谁能帮我修改一下雅思作文并估计个分数?（剑4test2task1)TheabovegraphandpiechartillustratethedemandforelectricityinEnglandduringasingledayinsummerandwinter,andalsothepercentageofelectricityusageinanaver

　　谁能帮我修改一下雅思作文并估计个分数?

　　（剑4test2task1)TheabovegraphandpiechartillustratethedemandforelectricityinEnglandduringasingledayinsummerandwinter,andalsothepercentageofelectricityusageinanaverageEnglishhome.Wecaneasilyseethatelectricityishighlydemandedinwinter,andmostisdonatedtoheatingsystems.

　　Thegraphoftypicaldailyelectricitydemandinwinterfirstincreasedsharplyfrom3500toalmost4000between12amand3am,thenitdroppedquicklytothelevelof3000at9am.Whileinsummer,itdecreasedsteadilyduringtheseninehours.Inthenextthreehours,bothofthemwentup,andthelatterreacheditshighestpointat2000.Fromthisspot,thewintergraphcontinuedtogoupstablywhilethesummeronedroppedbackto1800beforeitstayingsmoothuntil9pmwhenbothbegantomoveupwards.11pmsawthelargestdemandforelectricityinwinter,almost4500,andafterthat,bothslidesdowntotheirbeginningunits.Meanwhile,52.5percentsofelectricitywasusedforheatingroomsandwater,whichwasthreetimesasthepercentageforovens,kettlesandwashingmachines.Theusageforlightingandvacuumcleaners,etc.sharestheleftthirtypercentagewithequalportion.