Manypeopleyearntobemoreself-confident.Yettheyhavenoideahowtoachievethatobjective.Theylookatotherswhohavethegiftandsay,“Heythat’swhatIwant.Ihatefeelingunsureofmyself.IwishIcouldstopobsessingaboutwhatothersthinkofmeandquitworryingaboutdisappointingotherpeople.Iwanttostopanguishingovermydecisionsandtorturingmyselfaboutmymistakes.Ithinkitwouldbesogreattofeelself-assured,holdmyheaduphighandstandtall.I’veneverbeenself-confident.IwishtherewereawayIcouldbe.”

　　Thereisaway.Youdon’thavetobebornwithself-confidence.Self-confidencecangrowandflourishandripenandblossomuntilyouactuallycometofeelasthoughthereisadifferentpersoninsideofyou.Herearesomeinsightsthatmightfacilitatethequest.

　　Learnwhataself-confidentpersonisreallylike.Theyarenotcocky,know-it-allpeoplewhodon’tcarewhatanybodyelsethinks.Theyhavetheirdoubts.Andmakemistakes.Andarefarfromperfect.However,theyarewillingtoacknowledgetheirinadequacieswithoutdwellingonthem.Theydothisbymaintainingasenseofhumor,puttingproblemsinperspective,andfocusingmainlyonwhatthey’vedoneright,notwrong.

　　Thoughself-confidentpeopledobelieveinthemselves,theydon’ttrytosuffocateotherswiththeirideasorbeliefs.Theyareconfidentinwhattheyknownotonlybecausetheyread,learnandthinkbutalsobecausetheyrespecttheirinstinct,intuitionandtheuniquebodyofknowledgethatthey’vedevelopedbylivinglife.Theyrealizethatonedoesn'thavetobelabeledan“expert”tobelieveinone'sowntruths.

　　Self-confidentpeopledon’tunderminetheirownworthbycomparingthemselveswithothers,onlytoconcludethattheyaren’t“goodenough”.Theyappreciatetheirstrengthsandaccomplishmentsandcanacknowledge,withoutembarrassment,theirweaknesses.Theydon’tliveinthe“victim”position.Evenifsomethingreallybadhasoccurred,theyturnitintoachallenge,rememberingtobegratefulforthelittlethingsinlife.

　　Self-confidentpeoplelettheworldknowwhotheyare.Iftheywantsomethingbadlyenough,theyknowtheyhaveeveryrightto“goforit.”Yet,theyalsoknowthatthepathwillrarelybeeasy.Mistakes,blundersandfailuresarepartofthelearningprocess.Theyseektolearnfromtheirmistakesanddonotwastetimetorturingthemselvesoverwhat“couldhavebeen”.

　　Self-confidentpeoplearenotobstinatepeople.Iftheyhaveanideaaboutsomethinganditdiffersfromthewayanotherpersonisthinkingaboutit,theywillusuallytrytolookatitfromthatperson’spointofview,seewhyitmakessensetothem.Yet,aconfidentperson’ssenseofselfisgrounded.Itdoesnotblowinthewind.Theirideasdonotfluctuatebasedonwhatothersdeemareimportant.

　　Ihopetheseinsightsarehelpfultoyou.Ifso,perhapsonedayyouwillbeabletosaywhattheactressPhyllisRashadoncesaid,simplybuteloquently,”IamjustmyselfandwhoIamisalot.”