这片英语文章有没有错误和不当的地方?Ifwithoutmusic,peoplecan'tliveverywellintheworld.Myhobbyislisteningtothemusic.IloveJaybest.JayisoneofthemostfamoussingersinChina,andhismusichastheindividualityverym

　　这片英语文章有没有错误和不当的地方?

　　Ifwithoutmusic,peoplecan'tliveverywellintheworld.Myhobbyislisteningtothemusic.IloveJaybest.JayisoneofthemostfamoussingersinChina,andhismusichastheindividualityverymuch.WhenIrestafterlong-timestudy,listeningtomusiccanletmefeelrelaxed,anditalsocanletsmehappy.

　　Ilikelisteningtomusic.Ilikemyhobby.