ThisistheplaceIcometowhenIamlonely,fearful,hurt,orangry.Ialsocomeheretorelaxandgetawayfromtheeverydaystressesoflife.Whereismyidealplace?

　　Iwalkthroughthearcheddoorwayanddownthelong,narrow,andsteepsetofstepstomybasementbedroom.Itakeoffmyshoesandsocksatthebottomofthestepsandmarvelatthesmoothblueplushcarpetbeneathmyfeet.Thepalebluewallsofthisroomcomplimenttheblacklacquerframedseascapehangingonit.Thispaintingoftheoceancrashingagainstsomerocksispaintedinanarrayofblues.Ontheoppositewallofthisseascape,therearenumerousportraitsoffamilymembersandfriends.Alltheportraitsaredifferentsizes,butinframesofonlyblue,black,orgold.

　　AWarm,BluePlace

　　Ismileatthetall,icyglassofcherryKool-Aidawaitingmyarrival.Itsitssweatingnexttoastackofunopenedmailonthenightstand.Ipickuptheglassandtakeaswallowbigenoughtofillmystomach.Asusual,theKool-Aidissweetandtangy.Isettheglassdownandwipethesweatjustbeforeitrollsofftheglassandhitsthetelephone.Inoticetheblinkingredlightonthetelephone,remindingmetocheckmymessages.Iturnonthehourglass-shapedlampfilledwithblacksandtoreadthemail.

　　Acrosstheroom,theshow,"ChangeofHeart",blastsonthetwenty-seveninchtelevision.Theroaroflaughterfromthestudioaudiencefillstheroom.Afterflippingthroughthemail,Iglanceup.

　　Onthedesk,Inoticethelettersofamessagedancingacrossthecomputerscreen.Themessagesrangefrom"Iloveyou"to"Callyourmother"to"Youforgottowashthedishes."Thecomputerisonandwaitingformetocheckmye-mail.Theblackdeskandmatchingchairareamess.Therearepapersofeverycolor,shape,andsizescatteredonthesurface.Whitepapers,bluepapers,pinkpapers,redpapers,greenpapers,peachpapers,andtanpapersfloodingthedesk.Papersshapedinsquares,triangles,circles,andheartscoverthedesk.Tornpapersandwholepapersinvadethedesk.Thegoldframedpictureofmeandmyboyfriendislostunderthismess.It'shardtoseetheprinter,scanner,ormouse.

　　IdecidetoleavethemailforthefollowingmorningandIwalktothebulletinboardnexttothedesk.This,too,isamess:messages,appointments,bills,bluepapers,redpapers,whitepapers,oldpapers,newpapers,memos,calendars,to-dolists,andmuchmorearetackedtothislargeboard.

　　Everyday,Isay,"OnedayI'llcleanthismess."

　　Ibegintakingoffmyclothes;strippingdowntomyunderwearandlayingtheclothesonthedesk'schair.Ipassbythecompletelymirroredclosetandgodirectlytothelongblacklacquerdresserandmirror.

　　Lookinginthearchedmirrorthatistrimmedingold,Iseethereflectionofallthesmallglassdolphinsarrangedneatlyonthedressertop.Iopenoneofthesixdrawers,getoutsomeold,tornjoggingpants,andputthemon.

　　Iwalktowardsthefivefootchestofdrawers.It,too,isblacklacquerandtrimmedingoldwithsixstackeddrawers.Onthetopsitsthetelevision,VCR,cablebox,VCRtaperewinder,andthemostbeautifulstatue.Thestatue,fromEngland,isahalfnakedcharcoalwomansittingwithherlegscrossed"Indianstyle."Shehasasparklinggreenheadwrapandmatchingblanketacrossherbottomhalf.Herrightarmisdistinctlyplacedacrossherbreastsandherleft,acrossherstomach.

　　AsIpassthestandholdingthevideotapesandcomp