雅思小作文批改这是我写的,剑桥雅思第五册,testtwo中的writingrask1肯定写得不怎么样,但我下个月就要去考.希望高手们能够给点意见,哪些地方错啦,哪些地方用其它的方式表达更好啊,或者哪

　　雅思小作文批改

　　这是我写的,剑桥雅思第五册,testtwo中的writingrask1

　　肯定写得不怎么样,但我下个月就要去考.希望高手们能够给点意见,哪些地方错啦,哪些地方用其它的方式表达更好啊,或者哪些词汇用其它的更准确啊之类的.辛苦了

　　Thechartshowsthemainreasonsforstudyamongstudentsofdifferentagegroupsandtheamountofsupporttheyreceivedfromemployers.

　　Inthefirstchart,therearetworeasonsforstudy,careerandinterest.Accordingtothepattern,before40yearsold,theproportionsofstudyfocareerofeachgrouparemorethantheproportionsthatstudyforinterest.However,ingroupofagefrom40to49,itishalfandhalfthatpeoplearestudyingforcareerorforinterest.Thelastgroupthatageover49hasmuchmoreproportionofstudyforinterest.Itisabigchange.

　　Thesecondchartshowsemployerssupportmuchmorethegroupunder26thananyothergroupsinthepattern,andthereasonmustbethattheyspendmoretimeandenergystudyingforcareer.Unfortunately,althouththegroupsof26to29and30to39alsohavemoreproprotionstostudyforcareer,theydipoftheirproportionsofemployerssupport.From40to49agegrouptoover49group,theproportionsrisealittle.But,thepeoplewhoseageover40,theydonotlearnforcareermorethanyoungerpeople.Maybeitisbecausetheygotenoughexpriencefromperiodtimewhentheywereworkingandlearning.

　　哪些网站可以提供作文批改服务的,

　　要是我有那么大的词汇量或者我能那么灵活的运用单词,我当然不会去重复运用那些词汇啦.完全没学过雅思课程,也从来没有背过什么范文.不过我最近着手在背了,还有十天的样子去考,考了估计还得继续报一月的.