【这样的雅思作文能得6分吗?Somepeoplethinkw-查字典问答网
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  【这样的雅思作文能得6分吗?Somepeoplethinkweneedmorefemaleleaderstocreateworldpeaceandreduceviolence.Towhatextentdoyouagree?Withtheprogressoffeminineactivity,womennowadayshavehighersocialstatusandareentitled】

  这样的雅思作文能得6分吗?

  Somepeoplethinkweneedmorefemaleleaderstocreateworldpeaceandreduceviolence.Towhatextentdoyouagree?

  Withtheprogressoffeminineactivity,womennowadayshavehighersocialstatusandareentitledtotakepositionsinsomemultinationalcorporationsandorganizations.Comparedwiththeirmalecounterparts,femalestendtobemoreconsiderate,gentleandpatient,whichwouldbecrucialindealingwithinternationalaffairs,speciallyconflictsandwars.Therefore,someproposethatifwemakemorefemaleleaders,thentheworldcanbemorepeaceful.

  Itisundeniablethatwomenplayapivotalroleinhumanhistory.Regardlessofnationalityandethnicity,womenaredeemedasanimportantroleofgivingbirthandraisetheoffspring.Becauseofthis,peopleoftenneglecttheirotherinnatemerits,likegoodnessandcarefulness.Researchesconductedworldwidehaverevealedthatduetothedistinctphysicalstructureanddifferenteducation,differentiatedwithmen.Womencanbettercontroltheiremotionsandconcentrateonthejobs.Inaddition,hundredsofsuccessfulstoriesaboutleadershipoffemaleprovesuchargument.Soitmakessensethatsomepeoplebelievethatwomenleadersmightbetterpreventoccurrenceofconflicts.

  Nevertheless,tobeagoodleader,womenhavesomedeficiencies,likelackofbraveryandcourage.Leadershiprequirescandidatestobemoreaggressivesothatmostofthemarenotsuitforthisposition.Furthermore,womennowadaysstillbeartheresponsibilityofbringinguptheirchildrenanddohouseholdchores,whichalmostleavethemnearlynotimeandenergyintheworkplace,ofcourse,exceptforsomesuperwomen.

  However,inmyopinion,morefemaleleadersstillcannotcontributetoaworldpeace,albeitmildtemper.Andmeantimeitisnotaneffectivesolutiontoeliminatewarsandconflictsinsomeareas.Weneedanalyzedeepercausesbehindthem,suchasethnicaldiscriminationsorterritorydisputes.Onlyinthiswaycanwecreateamorepeacefulworld.

  Toconclude,womenshouldbeencouragedtoparticipateininternationalaffairsincludingwarsandconflicts.Buttheycannotpreventthemassomeassert.

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2020-12-0419:02
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李建新

  你的用词方面做得很好,也就是说词汇量不错,而且多是比较正式的词语.但是,文章中有几处硬伤.1.你的thesisstatement(论点)没有在第一段呈现出来,这是最为致命的失误.这导致了你的第二段和第三段都是在谈现象.2.到了第...

2020-12-04 19:05:40
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