Arewetooquicktoblameandslowtopraise?Itseemsthatwhilemostofusareonlytooreadytoapplytoothersthecoldwindofcriticism,wearesomehowunwillingtogiveothersthewarmsunshineofpraise.It’sstrangehowmeanweareabo
Arewetooquicktoblameandslowtopraise?Itseemsthatwhilemostofusareonlytooreadytoapplytoothersthecoldwindofcriticism,wearesomehowunwillingtogiveothersthewarmsunshineofpraise.
It’sstrangehowmeanweareaboutpraising.Perhapsit’sbecausefewofusknowhowtoacceptpraisegracefully.Instead,weareembarrassedandignorethewordswearereallysogladtohear.Becauseofthisdefensivereaction,directpraiseissurprisinglydifficulttogive.
Doyouevergointoahouseandsay,“Whatatidyroom!”Hardlyanybodydoes.That’swhyhouseworkisconsideredsuchaboringjob.Shakespearesaid,“Ourpraisesareourwages.”Sincesooftenpraiseistheonlywageahousewifereceives,surelysheisworthyofpraise.
Mothersknownaturallythatforchildrenanounceofpraiseisworthapoundofscolding.Still,weareunawareofchildren’ssmallachievementsandweseldomapplytherule.OnedayIwascriticizingmychildrenforquarrelling.“Canyouneverplaypeacefully?”Ishouted.Susannalookedatmeconfused.“OfcourseIcan,”shesaid.“Butyoudon’tnoticeuswhenwedo.”
Teachersagreeaboutthevalueofpraise.“Ibelievethatastudentknowswhenhehashandedinsomethingabovehisusualstandard,”writesateacher,“andthatheishungryforabeliefcommentinthemargintoshowhimthattheteacherisawareofit,too.”
Behavioralscientistshavedonecountlessexperimentstoprovethatpeoplehaveatendencytorepeatanactwhichhasbeenimmediatelyfollowedbyapleasantresult.Inonesuchexperiment,anumberofschoolchildrenweredividedintothreegroupsandgivenarithmetictestsdailyforfivedays.Onegroupwasconstantlypraisedforitspreviousperformance;anothergroupwascriticized;thethirdwasignored.Notsurprisingly,thosewhowerepraisedimproveddramatically.Thosewhowerecriticizedimproved,too,butnotsomuch.Andthescoresofthechildrenwhowereignoredhardlyimprovedatall.Interestingly,thebrightestchildrenwerehelpedjustasmuchbycriticismasbypraise,butthelessablechildren,whoreactedbadlytocriticism,neededpraisethemost.
Togivepraisecoststhegivernothingbutamoment’sthoughtandamoment’seffort—perhapsaquickphonecalltopassongoodcomments,orwriteanappreciativeletter.Itiss
