CanManTriumphoverNature

　　Maybeyouhaveeverheardthatmancanbeateverythingincludenature.Godcreatusandwecandominatethenature.（前两句有重复之嫌,建议缩成一句）However,Idon'tagreewiththisopinion.Idon'tdeny（句式重复,可改成Iamnotdenying）thatpeopleisgreat,intheotherwords(是inotherwords),everyonemustberespect（to）nature.

　　Somepeopleholdtheopinionthatpeoplecantriumphovernature.Whataseriouswrong(需要名词一般不用wrong,可改为mistake)itis!Mancanchangethenatureuntillitisuseful（usable更好）,only.Don'tthinkyoucantriumphoverit.Ifwedosomethingwithoutthelawofnature,noonecouldsaywhatwillhappen.Wecutthetrees,weblocktheriver,webuildfactory（复数）,whatis（are）theresults?Wemadethetreesbecomewood,sowesawserioussandstorm;weblockedriverformakingelectricity,earthquakebecomeeasyhappen(改用happenscommonly);becauseofbuildingfactory(复数)withoutcontrolled,welostourcleanair...

　　【这段我重新写一下Lotsofnegativeeffectsarecausedbyhumanbeings.Forinstance,cuttingthetreesleadstoserioussandstorm.Peopleblockrivertomakeelectricityandmakeearthquakehappencommonly.Moreover,airisbeingpollutedbymoreandmorefactories.】

　　Inmyheart,peoplearecreatedbynature,wemustrespectit.Wemaygetshort-livedvictoryonly.Butwecanlivewithnatureinharmony,inthisway,wecangetwhich（what）wewant.So,mancan'ttriumphoverthenature,butwecanmakefriendswith"he"(宾格).

　　总结一下,分数我说不准,但就里面的错误来看,会被扣得很惨

　　1,单复数错误.写完一定要多检查几遍

　　2,用词错误.不会写的可以换一种表达方式,多记一些常用词,比如mistake

　　3,中文句式.英语文章里多用句号,平时多看看范文找规律.

　　4,多背连接词.用用复杂的,however,therefore这样的课本里都讲过

　　5,多用从句.

　　6,开头结尾.这个很重要,尽量避免错误,用一些好句型

　　加油吧孩纸=v=