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  【请帮我看一下雅思大作文,感激不尽,评分与修改,我又来了,这回是文章,上回抱歉啊,太匆忙了,请帮我看看Therehasbeenadebateaboutwhetheryoungpeopleshouldgooutforworkorhavingtripforayearbeforeenterin】

  请帮我看一下雅思大作文,感激不尽,评分与修改,

  我又来了,这回是文章,上回抱歉啊,太匆忙了,请帮我看看

  Therehasbeenadebateaboutwhetheryoungpeopleshouldgooutforworkorhavingtripforayearbeforeenteringtheuniversity.Somepeoplemaintainthatyoungstudentsshouldtrainthemselvesregardingsocialexperiencesandwidentheirknowledgeatthatage.Thetrendhasbothbenefitanddrawbacks.

  Youngpeoplefindajobortakeatripatsuchanagemaynotbeunwise.Theyarestillachildthatcannotidentifythenegativeofsociety.Thereforeyoungstudentsmayeasilybecheated.Ontheotherhand,afterexperiencedforayearinsociety,theymaydistractedtheattentionfromtheclass,feelingnotadaptedtotheirnewlifeinuniversity.

  Onthecontrary,peoplewhosupporttheaspectbelievethatyoungstudentshavetheabilitytofacevarioussocialphenomenons.Itprovidesagoodopportunityforthemtogainsomeexperiences.Meanwhile,studentscanbesurelywidentheirhorizonsandenhancethecapacityofadjustment.Unlikestudentsgraduatingfromhighschoolandstayingathomehavenothingtodo.Theyenjoytheachievementofwhattheyhavedone,andlearntheprocessofearningmoneyishard.Inaword,therearemoreadvantagestoproposeyoungstersshouldworkortravelforayear.

  Allinall,studentscanturntobeverymatureafterhavingworkedforayear.Therearebothmeritsanddemerits.ButIfirmlyholdthatyoungstersshouldbeencouragedtoworkortravelbeforetheygettotheuniversity.

  insomecountriesyoungpeopleareencouragetoworkortravelforayearbetweenfinishinghighschoolandstartinguniversitystudies.discusstheadvantagesanddisadvantagesgoryoungpeoplewhodecidetodothis.

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2020-09-1901:27
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刘泽响

  5.5

  有不少的语法错误,如:Unlikestudentsgraduatingfromhighschoolandstayingathomehavenothingtodo.中没有主语.

  段与段之间衔接不对应.第3段说PEOPLEWHOSUPPORT...,但是第二段中开头并没有说PEOPLEWHOAGAINST...

  题目要求写ADVANTAGESANDDISADVANTAGE

  那你的结构很不清晰.

  写这类题目,

  第一段应该肯定有ADVANTAGESANDDISADVANTAGES(你写了)

  第二段首句就应该马上很明确的指出有ADVANTAGES(你没写),然后在补充有什么具体的ADVANTAGES

  第三段同上(写的是DISADVANTAGES)

  而第四段你虽然指出了同意workortravelforayearbetweenfinishinghighschoolandstartinguniversitystudies的观点.但是写了不够好,应该进一步提出:虽然这个现象有好有不好,但是只要我们minimisethenagativeeffects,对年轻人还是很有好处了.

  建议你做题前认认真真审好题,定好结构再下笔.

2020-09-19 01:31:20
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