麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分？谢谢~题目：Some-查字典问答网

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　　麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分？谢谢~题目：Somepeoplebelievethatunpaidcommunityserviceshouldbeacompulsorypartofhighschoolprogrammes(forexampleworkingforacharity,improvingtheneighbourhoodortea

　　麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分？谢谢~

　　题目：Somepeoplebelievethatunpaidcommunityserviceshouldbeacompulsorypartofhighschoolprogrammes(forexampleworkingforacharity,improvingtheneighbourhoodorteachingsportstoyoungerchildren)Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?

　　文章：Nowadays,withtheimprovementofsociety,dozensofhighschoolsrequesttheirstudentstodosomeunpaidcommunityservice.Igoalongwiththisidea,andIesteemthisisabenefittostudents;theycanacquiremanythingsfromthis.

　　Ithinkvolunteeringisagoodwaytodeveloptheabilityofstudents.Whenthestudentvolunteerstheycanfindconfidence.Forexample,whentheyfinishworksuccessfully,thepartnerwillgivethemthanksandencouragement;theycangetsenseofachievement.Inaddition,theycanboosttheirabilityofexpression.Forinstance,theyneedtotalkwithotherpeoplewhiletheywork,sotheycanimprovethiscapabilityveryquick.Moreover,theirorganisationcapabilitywillhaveabigenhancement.Forexample,theyhavetoarrangesomethings,andsometimestheyneedtointroducetheworktoanewbie;theyneedtoteacheverythingtonewbie.Thus,theyobligetolearnaboutandorganizeeverythingfirstly.

　　Inmyopinion,volunteeringisadecentexperienceforeveryone.Thestudentcanlearnhowtohelpotherpeople.Forinstance,whenthepeoplearecoming,theyneedtogivepeoplehelp,andtheywillknowthesignificanceofaidingothers.Ontheotherhand,theycanobtainworkexperience.Alotofcompaniespayattentiontotheworkexperienceofapplicants,andvolunteeringisakindofworkexperience;itiscrucialforthestudentinthefuture.

　　AsfarasIamconcerned,volunteeringisabenefittosociety.Thisexperiencecanenhancethequalityofpeople.Forexample,thestudentcanlearnlotsofpositivethingswhiletheyvolunteer,andtheycanhaveanexecllentchange.Aboveall,thiswaycansavelaborcosts,becausetodaylaborcostsareveryexpensive,throughthismethodwecansavelotsofmoney.

　　Overall,Ibelievevolunteeringisplummyforstudents,andthroughthiswaytheycanboosttheircapabilityandgainsomesubstantialexperience.Meanwhile,ithelpsthesociety,hence,weshouldagreetheschoolaskstudentstovolunteer.

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2020-09-1820:13

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崔学雷

　　Thisisverygood!Areyouinhighschooloruniversity?

　　Someadvices:

　　1)youusedquitealotoftheword"things","everything".Youshouldtrytouseexactwords.Forexample,inthefirstparagraph,"theycanacquiremanythingsfromthis"canberewrittenas"theycanacquireexperienceswhichtheycanneverthinkof".

　　2)Inthesecondparagraph,"organisationcapability"shouldbe"organisingcapability".

　　3)Inthethirdparagraph,don'tunderstandwhatdoyoumeanby"thesignificanceofaidingothers"

　　4)"AsfarasIamconcerned"shouldbe"AsfarasIamconcern"."concern"isalittlebitstrangetoChinese.Theworditselfispassive.Wedonotneedtoadd"ed"tomakeitpassive.

　　5)Idon'tthinksavingmoneyasolidpointinthisarticle.Inallcircumstances,thegovernmentshouldhelppeople.Volunteeringshouldbesomethingextraforthesocietytobemoreharmonic.

　　6)Changingtheattitdueofstudentsmaybeanotherpointtosupport.

　　Hopethesecanhelp.