请高手看看本篇作文雅思几分?大概就是说富国该不该帮助穷国发展-查字典问答网

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　　请高手看看本篇作文雅思几分?大概就是说富国该不该帮助穷国发展?Thereisanargumentthatwhetherdevelopedcountriesshouldofferhelptopoorercountriesiftheycannotaffordtheenoughcostondomesticeducation,onhospi

　　请高手看看本篇作文雅思几分?

　　大概就是说富国该不该帮助穷国发展?

　　Thereisanargumentthatwhetherdevelopedcountriesshouldofferhelptopoorercountriesiftheycannotaffordtheenoughcostondomesticeducation,onhospitalsandonthebusinesswithforeigncountries.Personally,Isupposerichercountriesneedtofinancethecountriesinvolvedwithpoverty.Itiswell-knownthatwesterncountrieshadmadegreatchangesaftertheIndustrialRevolution,fromthenon,avarietyofcapitalizedcountrieswentontoaroadtofortunewithoutanystagger.Manyraw-materials,laborsandmoneyflewintothesequickdevelopingcountriesfromtheircolonywhichmostlyarerecognizedaspoorercountriestodaywherealmostlocatedinAfricaandsomepartsofAsia.

　　Leavingasidethesehistoricreasons,moderntechnologyhasbroughttheEarthintoavillage,thatistosay,everycountryismuchmoreeasilyinfluencedbyothersthaneverbefore.Richcountriescannothighlydevelopbythemselveswithoutsupportfromdevelopingcountries.Sothat,wecanputresponsibilityofrichcountriesintoaccountwhenwearediscussingtheproblemofpoverty.Incontrary,somepeople,butnotmost,thoughtthepoorercountriesshouldnotbefinancializedbyrichcountries.Actually,contributetothiskindofview,wearenowfacingtheproblemofterrorismallovertheworld.Thegreatdifferencebetweentherichandthepaupercreatetheuncertaintyandinstabilityofhuman'sfuture.

　　Allinall,Ideeplyagreewiththeideaaboutrichcountriestakingmoreresponsibilityonhelpingthepoorercounterparts.Thatisessentialtothefinalconcordofallthehumanbeings.

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2020-08-2000:34

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康雷

　　我边看边评论,不好意思如果我有些地方说的太重,我希望尽最大可能帮到你.

　　首先第一句不够地道,thereisanargumentabout,一般不加that,另外,雅思作文开头写的都是宏观的那种概况,不会直接来Argument,也就是说,你可以先说nowadays,.世界怎么样,强国怎么样,弱国怎么样之类的,但是要短.看下去,发现第一句太长,后面的那个if从句可以断掉,老外改的时候你这样的句子他们八成看不懂,其实有时候简单句也挺清楚的,建议分开写.involvedwithpoverty?这个,有些中文了,你可以说poorercountries呀,或者说,countrieswithseriouspoverty,之类的,反正一切从简.后面一句可以把where提前,Manyraw-materials,laborsandmoneyflewintothesequickdevelopingcountrieswherealmostlocatedinAfricaandsomepartsofAsia,fromtheircolonywhichmostlyarerecognizedaspoorercountriestoday.这样句式清楚很多,不然Where放后面,又是太长了.用逗号隔开,清楚些,而且老师喜欢这类格式,高分句哦.bringinto...可能是turninto更好.avillagecanbeaglobalvillage.错误词组,oncontraty.Sothat,wecanputresponsibilityofrichcountriesintoaccountwhen（weare）discussingtheproblem可省括号内的.恐怖组织应该和贫穷关系不大吧?政治宗教原因?我接受,但换我写我不会写这点.

　　文章结构不是很清楚.

　　详略不分明.

　　加上句式有些了乱.

　　但有很多点睛词汇.

　　所以我觉得5分到6分这样.

　　5点5应该有的.