mangoestochurchandstartstalkingtoGod.Hesays:"God,whatisamilliondollarstoyou?"andGodsays:"Apenny",thenthemansays:"God,whatisamillionyearstoyou?"andGodsays:"asecond",thenthemansays:"God,canIhaveapenny?"andGodsays"Inasecond"一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

　　Oncetwohunterswenthuntingintheforest.Oneofthemsuddenlyfelldownbyaccident.Heshowedthewhitesofhiseyesandseemedtohaveceasedbreathing.Theotherhuntersoontookouthismobilephonetocalltheemergencycenterforhelp.Theoperatorsaidcalmly:"First,youshouldmakesurethatheisalreadydead."Thentheoperatorheardagunshotfromtheotherendofthephoneandnextheheardthehunterasking:"WhatshouldIdonext?"两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话.接线员沉着地说：“第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡.”于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办?”

　　Talkingclock

　　会说话的钟

　　Whileproudlyshowingoffhisnewapartmenttofriends,acollegestudentledthewayintotheden."Whatisthebigbrassgongandhammerfor?"oneofhisfriendsasked."Thatisthetalkingclock,"themanreplied."How'sitwork?"

　　"Watch,"themansaidandproceededtogivethegonganearshatteringpoundwiththehammer.Suddenly,someonescreamedfromtheothersideofthewall,"Knockitoff,youidiot!It'stwoo'clockinthemorning!"

　　一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意.“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他.“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答.“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问.“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋.突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”

　　SecretForaLongLife

　　Awomanwalksuptoalittleoldmanrockinginachaironhisporch.

　　"Icouldn'thelpnoticinghowhappyyoulook,"shesays."What'syoursecretforalong,happylife?"

　　"Ismokethreepacksaday,drinkacaseofwhiskeyaweek,eatfattyfoodsandnever,everexercise."

　　"Wow,that'samazing,"saysthewoman."Howoldareyou?"

　　"Twenty-six."

　　长寿秘诀

　　一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头.

　　“我无意中发现,你是多么幸福,”那女士说.“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”

　　“我每天抽三包烟,每周喝一箱威士忌,吃高脂肪食品,而且从来不曾锻炼.”

　　“哦,真神奇,”女士说.“你高寿?”