WhatIHaveLivedFor

　　ByBertrandRussell

　　Threepassions,simplebut1)overwhelminglystrong,havegovernedmylife:thelongingforlove,thesearchforknowledge,and2)unbearablepityforthesufferingofmankind.Thesepassions,ina3)waywardcourse,overadeepoceanof4)anguish,reachingtothevery5)vergeofdespair.

　　Ihavesoughtlove,first,becauseitbrings6)ecstasy-ecstasysogreatthatIwouldoftenhave7)sacrificedalltherestoflifeforafewhoursofthisjoy.Ihavesoughtit,next,becauseitrelievesloneliness-thatterriblelonelinessinwhichoneshiveringconsciousnesslooksovertherimoftheworldintothecold8)unfathomablelifelessabyss.Ihavesoughtit,finally,becauseintheunionofloveIhaveseen,inamystic9)miniature,the10)prefiguringvisionoftheheaventhat11)saintsandpoetshaveimagined.ThisiswhatIsought,andthoughitmightseemtoogoodforhumanlife,thisiswhat-atlast-Ihavefound.

　　WithequalpassionIhavesoughtknowledge.Ihavewishedtounderstandtheheartsofmen.Ihavewishedtoknowwhythestarsshine.AndIhavetriedto12)apprehendthe13)Pythagoreanpowerbywhichnumberholdsswayabovetheflux.Alittleofthis,butnotmuch,Ihaveachieved.

　　Loveandknowledge,sofarastheywerepossible,ledupwardtowardtheheavens.Butalwayspitybroughtmebacktoearth.Echoesofcriesofpainreverberateinmyheart.Childreninfamine,victimstorturedby14)oppressors,helplessoldpeopleahatedburdentotheirpainmakea15)mockeryofwhathumanlifeshouldbe.Ilongto16)alleviatetheevil,butIcan't,andItoosuffer.

　　Thishasbeenmylife.Ihavefounditworthliving,andwouldgladlyliveitagainifthechancewereofferedme.