Whetherwelikeitornot,ourparentsareresponsibleforusatleastuntilwe'reoutofhighschool.Soratherthangettingupsetaboutthatfact,maybeweshouldfocusonwaystomakeourrelationshipbetter.Thebestwaytodothat,inmyopinion,istolearntoreallycommunicatewithourparents.

　　Sohereismythree-stepprogramtomakeiteasiertocommunicatewithyourparents...

　　Step1:Stop

　　WhenIfindmyselfarguingwithmymomordad,Itrytostop.That'sright.Ijusttrytohushupforaminute,becausechancesaregoodthatI'mbeingdefensiveorconfrontational--andneitheroneofthoseisconstructive.

　　IfIcanmanagetostopmyselffromtalking,IusuallyfindthatIcancalmdownquickly.IguessI'musuallyactingoutofemotionratherthanlogicorreason.ButifIcanquitarguingforaminute,itseemsthatmyperspectivechangesandIstarttorealizethatI'mbeingabitchildish.EmotionallyImaystillbeupset,butlogicallyIunderstandthatyellingandfightingdefinitelydoesn'tmakethingsbetter!

　　Step2:Look

　　OnceI'vestoppedarguing,Ilookmyparentsintheeye.You'dbeamazedathowmucheasieritistocommunicatewithyourparentswhenyou'reactuallylookingatthem.Lookingawaydoesn'tdomuchofanythingexceptgivethemtheimpressionthatI'mnotlisteningorthatIdon'tcare.

　　Also,whenI'mlookingawayit'seasytostartthinkingaboutwhatI'mgoingtosaynext,insteadofconcentratingonwhatmyparentsaresayingtome.It'smucheasiertoseethingseye-to-eyewhenyou'rephysicallyseeingeye-to-eye.

　　Step3:Listen

　　Finally,Ilistentowhatthey'resaying(oratleastItry).Communicationcan'thappenunlessbothsideshear--andlistento--eachother.Thereisnothingwrongwithmyhearing,butthatdoesn'tmeanIalwayslistentothesoundsthatpeoplearemaking.WhenIarguewithmyparents,Icanphysicallyhearwhatthey'resayingwithoutmentallylisteningtoit.

　　WhetherIwanttoadmititornot,mymomanddadhavebeenonthisearthalotlongerthanIhave--andtheirexperiencecanactuallyhelpthemgivesomeprettysoundadviceattimes.Butifthatadvicefallsonproverbial"deafears",it'snotgoingtomakemuchofadifference.

　　That'swhyItrytostop,look,andlisteninsteadofarguingwithmyparents.Idon'talwaysagreewiththem--evenafterI'veheardthemout--butIthinkit'ssafetosaythatittrulyhashelpedourrelationshipoverthelongrun.

　　TipsforBetterCommunicationwithYourParents

　　ByEveYork,publishedSep27,2008

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　　closewindow1.Talkingtoyourparentsabouteverydaythingsisawayofbuildingastrongconnection.

　　2.Letyourparentsknowyouwanttheirfullattentionbytellingthemyouhavesomethingimportantyouneedtotalktothemaboutinsteadofsayingwhentheyhavetimeyouwouldliketospeaktothem.Andthenpickatimethatisbestforbothofyou.

　　3.Use"I"statementsinsteadof"you"soyoudon'tsoundargumentative.

　　4.Writingitdownmaymakeiteasiertobothfindawaytoexpressyourselfandmanageallpointsthatneedtobeaddressed.

　　5.Insteadofcallingyourparent'sideasstupidtellthemyoudonotagree.Thishelpstonotescalatetheissue.

　　6.Sometimesitiseasiertota