【求帮改雅思作文Schoolsshouldconcentra-查字典问答网
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  【求帮改雅思作文Schoolsshouldconcentrateonsubjectsthatwillbeusefultostudents’futurecareer.Subjectssuchasmusicandsportsarenotuseful.Towhatextenta/d.Therehasbeenagrowingtrendofpeopledebatingonschools’curriculum】

  求帮改雅思作文

  Schoolsshouldconcentrateonsubjectsthatwillbeusefultostudents’futurecareer.Subjectssuchasmusicandsportsarenotuseful.Towhatextenta/d.

  Therehasbeenagrowingtrendofpeopledebatingonschools’curriculumsetting,especiallythecaseofsubjectsofartsandsports.Ithasbeenacauseofconcernwhetherthesesubjectsareofvastimportance.AsIseeit,althoughacademicsubjectsmaybemoreusefultostudents’careerprospects,thereisnodenyingthatothersubjectsalsoplayavitalroleinpersonaldevelopment.

  Theimplicationsofsubjectssuchasartsandsportsarethreefold.Thefirstpointisthatartsenablestudentstoenlargeknowledgeandbroadenhorizon.Forexample,someworksofart,suchasmusicpiecesandpaintings,depictplacesofculturalsignificancewherestudentshaveneverbeento.Artalsosometimesprovidesadifferentperspectivetoviewtheworld.Itshouldalsobenotedthatsportsallowchildrentokeephealthandboostphysicalquality.Itiscommonknowledgethatpeopleaccustomedtojoggingorworkingoutregularlyaresuperiorinrespiratorysystemandbloodcirculation.Thesestudentswithrobustbodiesarelikelytoperformbetterinacademicstudy.Besides,sportsandartsareentertainmentwhichcanalleviatetheheavyburdeninsociallife.

  Althoughwehavemanyreasonstobelievethesesubjectsareessentialtostudents,itdoesnotmeanwecanregardthemasimportantasacademiceducation.Oneproblemarisingfromattendingsportsclassisthatittosomeextentconsumesvigoranddistractsstudentsfromacademicclasses.Excessiveactivitiescanleadtostudentsfindingithardtoconcentrate.Itshouldalsoberecognizedthatsportstarsandartistsaccountforanextremesmallproportionofthehumanrace.Itispointlesstospendtoomuchtimeandenergyonthem.Oneshouldtakehiscareerprospectsintoconsiderationandacquireasmuchknowledgeaspossible.

  Inthelightofthefactsoutlinedabove,subjectssuchasartsandsportsserveausefulfunctioninpersonaldevelopment,thoughoneshouldkeepabalancebetweenstudyandentertainment.

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2020-06-3016:17
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贾淑娟

  4.5-5分,首先分段不明确,要么顶字隔行,要么隔2空格,一般英式习惯是顶字隔行.

  其次没有什么高级词汇,你用了好多个suchas,不妨多用同意替换,句式不丰富,主从宾从定从很少,几乎没看到.

  递进和逻辑关系也不是很明显.

2020-06-30 16:19:03
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